She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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