And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize