Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
