Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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