Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
