as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
