the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
