I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize