It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
