i can't believe i had my finger in that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
