best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
