Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize