He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
