I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
