He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
