just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
