i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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