never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
