well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
