dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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