It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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