She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
