So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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