Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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