This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
