I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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