party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
