At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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