Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
