I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
