: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
