but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
