we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
