I seem to have left my pride at pride
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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