i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
