he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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