Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
