so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
