im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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