I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
