Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
