I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
