There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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