bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this will be a night to untag.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
