You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
