why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
