I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize