I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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