my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Boobs speak an international language.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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