I want you more than these girls want KFC
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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