8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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