tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Someone signed my nipple.
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