Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
