my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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