too bad you live with your parents still
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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