Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
