4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
