he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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