More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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