she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
