got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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