she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
