Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
