Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
