Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
