I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
