We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
