I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
