Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
