hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
