my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will be naked everywhere
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
