Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I love black thongs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
